THE ADVICE OF MARCUS AURELIUS

david, vikingo
Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher, has become the unexpected idol of modern success gurus. If you follow those influencers who sell self-help books, you’ve probably seen his quotes everywhere, as if they were the ultimate code to becoming rich, invincible, and emotionally unshakable. “Control your thoughts,” “the obstacle is the way,” “don’t worry about what you can’t change”… Basically, if Marcus Aurelius were alive today, he’d have his own podcast and be selling courses on "practical Stoicism for entrepreneurs."

Now, the reality is that Marcus Aurelius was a seriously busy guy—wars, plagues, betrayals, and the entire weight of the Roman Empire on his shoulders. In his famous Meditations, which were really more of a personal diary he never expected anyone to read, he focused on ideas like self-discipline, virtue, and detachment from unnecessary pleasures. He didn’t directly mention masturbation, but he did talk about the importance of not being ruled by bodily impulses. So, it’s safe to say he probably had a few internal monologues when he felt like taking a moment for himself.

But here’s the interesting part: today we know that masturbation is an excellent tool for relieving stress, improving focus, and even getting better sleep. So, if Marcus Aurelius had taken a little break from war to unwind, he might have fought with fewer worries. In fact, if he managed to keep the Roman Empire standing without masturbating, imagine what he could’ve achieved if he had. He might have discovered America, walked on the Moon, and even invented the internet.

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Which one of them had a better time?

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A HEIST WITH BENEFITS

He had been watching the house for a while, knowing that the woman who lived there had a lot of money. But maybe his surveillance wasn’t as sharp as he thought, because the day he decided to break in, he walked into something completely unexpected. The owner was in the middle of pleasuring herself—horny as hell.

The woman in question, Sammy, was so turned on that she didn’t seem too bothered by the intruder. Instead, she decided to make the most of the situation. Maybe this thief had been keeping a much closer watch than she realized...

From that moment on, things took an intense turn. In this scorching video, the lady of the house unleashes all her tricks to fuck the burglar and give him exactly what he deserves. A mind-blowing blowjob and a wild ride to turn him into her personal toy—taking full control and using him however she pleases.



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TikHot Classics (Watch with sound)

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AVOIDING MASTURBATION IN THE 11TH CENTURY

javi, br, oscar, walter, david
In the Middle Ages, masturbation was considered a serious sin by the Church, and monks had rather extreme methods to avoid it. Some would sleep with iron gloves lined with spikes to make any nocturnal attempt painful. Others, following the advice of theologian Saint Peter Damian in the 11th century, slept with their arms crossed over their chests or even tied their hands to resist temptation.

It was also believed that certain foods, such as red meat and spices, increased "lust," so monks followed very restricted diets based on bread, legumes, and fish to suppress any sexual urges.

While these ideas may seem extreme today, their influence still lingers. Even after centuries, sex and masturbation remain taboo topics in many countries where Christianity has played a major role. In many ways, the stigma surrounding sexuality today has its roots in that era. As the saying goes: you reap what you sow.



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Let this video be a reminder that, today, Monday, February 10, 2025, everything has changed.

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MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL317

I hope your week has been at least somewhat entertaining, thanks to ALRNCN. Nothing would make me happier. Well, maybe a few things would—like checking the lottery and finding out I’m a millionaire, or a Dubai sheikh deciding to fund me just for fun, waking up to breakfast in bed prepared by Margot Robbie in lingerie, or Elon Musk randomly wiring me a couple of million just “for the lols.” Or even bumping into Angela White, having her twist her ankle, bringing her home to ice it, and then getting absolutely ravaged by her as a thank-you. That too.

But without a doubt, knowing that ALRNCN is keeping you entertained is also on the list of things that make me happy. I don’t know in what position, but trust me, you’re on there.

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Kanchō (カンチョー)

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EMPEROR TIBERIUS

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In Ancient Rome, Emperor Tiberius (14–37 AD) was infamous for his sexual excesses, but there’s a particularly curious detail related to masturbation. According to the historian Suetonius, Tiberius had a secret villa in Capri where he organized all kinds of sexual activities. It is also said that he kept a group of young attendants whose sole purpose was to masturbate him while he watched naked women and couples having sex.

It is believed that this was an attempt to maximize pleasure without expending too much energy, showing that masturbation was not only common but, in certain elite circles, refined to the level of an almost ritualistic art.
Although Suetonius’ accounts may be exaggerated and prone to sensationalism, they highlight how, in some periods, masturbation was not seen as taboo but rather as an accepted practice within society.

If Tiberius were alive today, he’d probably have a premium subscription to every adult content platform.



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Twerking

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THE FILLER FAP

javi, sosuke, walter, david
The "filler fap" is that moment when, without any real urge or physical need, you just masturbate because there’s nothing better to do. It’s not about desire, it’s not about intense arousal—it’s just a way to kill time, like mindlessly scrolling through social media or flipping through TV channels without finding anything interesting.

It’s an easy, instant, and accessible way to fill the void. It’s not that your body is asking for it—it’s just that your brain is looking for something to do, and well… there it is.



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Me: GOD! Finally, life is smiling at me!
Life:

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SARA KELA, FIRST DATES HOPEFUL

Many of us watch First Dates because we know we’re in for a good laugh to end the day. In one of those episodes, Sara Kela showed up for a special pajama-themed night. That evening, she went on a date with a stripper who drove her absolutely wild. And from that moment on, her life took a turn.

We don’t know if she’s still seeing Martin, the guy from that night, but what we do know is that she’s let her hair down and is now bringing joy to other men. Just ask the bellboy at this hotel—after helping her with her luggage to the room, he got quite the tip in the form of a mind-blowing blowjob.

And if there were cameras in the TV show, of course, they wouldn’t be missing here either. The only difference? They had no idea this scene was being filmed. Watching Sara work her magic on this lucky guy, it’s safe to say he had one of the best workdays he’s ever had.



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Ready for some prime footage?

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