BLINDNESS AND OTHER MYTHS RELATED TO MASTURBATION

vicos, walter, david
The myth that masturbation could cause blindness has its roots in the religious and cultural morality of ancient times, especially during the Middle Ages. This belief likely emerged as a tool to discourage sexual behavior considered immoral or sinful. Religious institutions were deeply involved in regulating people's sexual lives, and masturbation was seen as a violation of established norms since it didn’t serve a reproductive purpose.

The idea of blindness could be linked to a misinterpretation of certain biblical passages or religious texts that associated sin with physical punishment. For instance, in the Gospel of Matthew (5:29), Jesus says: "If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away." This was interpreted literally or symbolically in some cases as a physical punishment for sexual sins, including masturbation.

Moreover, medieval medicine held a widespread belief that the loss of semen weakened the body, as it was considered a type of "vital essence" or energy that, if wasted, would affect overall health. This also gave rise to other myths, like the loss of strength or even insanity.
Ultimately, it was the desire to control sexual behavior that led to the spread of ideas like masturbation causing blindness or even more severe health problems.

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EAT, SLEEP, SHOWER AND MASTURBATE

oscar, david
Hygiene is essential, just like masturbation, so jerking off in the shower is like taking a nap after lunch—a timeless act of self-care. I’m pretty sure I read this in an ancient Chinese proverb, or at least I like to think so. And honestly, if the Chinese have spent millennia perfecting gunpowder, silk, and philosophy, they probably know a thing or two about life’s simple pleasures. Take their advice.



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PLAYING IN CLASS

walter
When the brain is in play mode, it’s also in learning mode. Playing isn’t just a form of entertainment—it’s a powerful tool for absorbing information, solving problems, and developing skills. Curiosity and fun activate the brain’s reward circuits, making it easier to retain knowledge and boosting creativity.

On the other hand, anxiety and pressure block the brain’s ability to process new information efficiently. That’s why relaxed and stimulating environments lead to better learning outcomes.



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MUSCLE MASSAGERS

luzos, martin, david
During the Soviet era, sexuality was heavily repressed in society, and masturbation was frowned upon. However, in the 1970s and 80s, electric vibrators were sold in pharmacies and specialized stores under the name "Muscle Relaxation Massage Devices," justifying their use as medical treatments.

These devices, manufactured in the Soviet Union, were quite rudimentary and massive, looking more like industrial tools than modern erotic toys. However, their true purpose was no secret to those who bought them. They were advertised with vague descriptions of their "therapeutic benefits," but everyone knew what they were really for.

The irony is that, while the USSR openly banned pornography and censored anything related to sexuality, vibrators could still be legally purchased—as long as they kept up the "medical use" facade.



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EMPEROR TIBERIUS

smm, vicos, walter, david
In Ancient Rome, Emperor Tiberius (14–37 AD) was infamous for his sexual excesses, but there’s a particularly curious detail related to masturbation. According to the historian Suetonius, Tiberius had a secret villa in Capri where he organized all kinds of sexual activities. It is also said that he kept a group of young attendants whose sole purpose was to masturbate him while he watched naked women and couples having sex.

It is believed that this was an attempt to maximize pleasure without expending too much energy, showing that masturbation was not only common but, in certain elite circles, refined to the level of an almost ritualistic art.
Although Suetonius’ accounts may be exaggerated and prone to sensationalism, they highlight how, in some periods, masturbation was not seen as taboo but rather as an accepted practice within society.

If Tiberius were alive today, he’d probably have a premium subscription to every adult content platform.



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CHOOSE YOUR ROUTINE

david
They say drinking lemon water on an empty stomach every morning is great for your body and helps prevent various illnesses. Others swear that starting the day with a spoonful of olive oil is the key to rock-solid health. And then there are those who claim that a glass of water with baking soda will alkalize you and leave your body feeling brand new.

But if all that sounds too complicated or you just can’t be bothered, don’t worry: a good wank first thing in the morning works just as well. No weird juices, no spoonfuls of oil, no baking soda. Just you, your hand, or your favorite toy, and the satisfaction of starting the day with energy.



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MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL316

How's your week been? All good or what? I really hope so. Actually, scratch that—I want it to be. I want things to have gone well for you, and if stopping by ALRNCN these past few days helped you disconnect from all the nonsense and bad vibes, even just a little, then mission accomplished.

Bad vibes are inevitable—they’re part of the game. But that’s the thing: you learn from them. You can’t always avoid them, but you can decide how to handle them. So don’t give them more space than they deserve—focus on what makes you happy and keeps you motivated.

It's Friday, and the weekend is right around the corner. Let’s power through and take a breather—we’ve earned it.

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